Well, not really. Not today, anyway. Today I feel like bursting into tears for no good reason. I don’t know if I’m just hormonal, or whether it’s something deeper, but I am not having a good couple of days. Last night I wanted to post about my new SOI Penny dress but when it came to taking the pictures I spotted that the hem was wonky and that just set me off. I had a tantrum and since then, as ridiculous as it may sound, I just feel like a cloud has descended. Needless to say I have not finished the dress.
Moving to a new place and starting a new phase of life isn’t easy. It took me ages to adjust when I moved from Carlisle to London after graduation, and looking back I know I was depressed for several months. I went to work, I came home and I didn’t do much else. I resented good friends for the fun they were having, but I also found it hard to join in. Then one day something changed. I started exploring the city, I got involved with Guides and began doing a bit of exercise. I started to really love London – I felt like I belonged and a weight lifted off my mind.
In Seattle it’s a bit different. I knew that I would have a month or two before I’d be legally able to work (five months and counting now…) so I made the effort to do some volunteer work. I’m now involved with the Girl Scouts, which will start in earnest in September and I’ve been doing the odd bit of volunteer work here and there. I’ve just joined a couple of Meetup groups (one for running, one for sewing) and I’m looking forward to having visitors in the next few weeks.
But it doesn’t feel like enough. When you’re a kid you make friends really easily, but it feels so much harder when you’re an adult. I have plenty to keep my mind occupied, but as I’m not working at the moment I can go the whole day without speaking to anyone apart from Chris, and tbh it’s really fucking hard.
I do like Seattle. It’s a lovely place and there’s a lot to be positive about our life here. I can see us staying for a while but right now I feel lonely and I don’t really know what more I can do about it. I know this is a temporary dip, and it’s completely normal to feel this way, but I could really do with a hug right now.